Rememberance

Within the past several weeks I received word that a woman that I knew passed away. Her death was a surprise, but not entirely unexpected. I was saddened by this, even though I did not know her very well. I don't even know if she had extended family. But now that I've had some time to reflect on her loss, I've found that her passing moved me in ways that I wasn't expecting.

She was someone that I respected, for several reasons. While she wasn't a close friend of mine, she was near enough to be someone that made a positive difference in my life. When I felt that I was stuck at a crossroads, she helped me find my way. When I found my way, she helped me stay steadfast.

Her wisdom stuck with me. Upon reflection, I am realizing that I put her insight to good use perhaps more than I realized. And now, it is too late to thank her, to reach out to her again, or to try to get to know her better. This disheartens me a bit, although it is not something that leaves me devastated, either. Instead, it leaves me with a curious sense of inspiration.

Why did I not reach out to her more before? Unfortunately I'm not that good at telling people how I feel, and I am not that good at reaching to people to let them know that they are important to me. Hell...I'm not even good at keeping in touch with people...people that want to be in touch with me, people that want to be my friend.

Perhaps her departing gift to me to remind me of something lacking in myself...

Rest in peace, M. Thank you for everything.